in the edge of sides..which to stick to?

***
when come to love, what's count?
*

i juz realised tat....im so far behind...........................
while doing d listing and comparing


whenever im tryna txt u or po sth in fb
will juz stuck at d next moment
sth pull me back
should i?y should i?
does it mean anything?
will i get any positive response
or cant even think of any response will get in return
man..i shouldnt carry any expectation
i knew it



well, ur case is juz different
and i supposed to giv u time
to sort things out
so im waitin rite here
loitering around with my own guessing and
promises to myself
yea promises i made
since i think im really tat into u
and im still d side to give
same as before
but im pretty clear tat
tis is not wat im heading for
even im willing to continue so
doing against my will
how long going to b?
wat will d investment turn into?
again wat can i do more besides observing?
i wonder
but since im deep in der
no way for turning back


and maybe
im in fact figuring
maybe wat v did b4 is juz out of curiosity
curious about d possibility to win over
if v view it as a game
and if i guess it rite
i'll take on d challenge
u bet me!



argghh....so conflict!!
alrite im gonna stop it
just not today

*
but wat exactly to bother me so???
making me as such a failure in keeping my words
is due to my confusing personalities?
or is it really tat hard to control?
when come to love....
yea when come to love
everything can happen and
nothing counts
***




***
venus dear is no longer around
b by myside
i dunno whether i've accepted d fact yet
just find myself stuffed with lotss of gathering and activities
just so i wont hav time to think of
i tot i wont cry
tat easy......like wat im doing rite now
how will i.............juz cry whenever telling myself tat
venus is so far apart from me
i turn and checked whether d door is locked
no gonna let anyone seeing me crying
and
wipe away d tearsdrop
bounce back bounce back!!!
chris u r tough!
as everyone else see u as
yea true
i should b someone who is damn ok
no matter wat situation im in
regardless wat issues im facing
study love frenship money watever it is
i'll juz hav my way to deal with it
no sadness
somemore can move on d life as normal
and focus on d next target
everyone think so
so do i
and hence i need to bounce back in seconds
need no console, no caring, no worries
yeah...no worries about me in anyway
like wat i've been treated owez

i can b my own
no one has doubt on it
as it seems like simply tat way to b
so i tell myself
i can b my own


***
well im done with my bullshittin craps
watever
who cares

d life still goes on
i'll keep all these rubbish deep in somewer
and carry out my days by achieving
everything will be sort out sooner or later
juz time matter
i start to believe in
timing
***


rite now
der is someone doing some declare to me
well
i really hate how smart i m
smart enough to know everything
but not wise to aware of my influences to others
sorry my dearsss
i dunno im actually able to influence u guys
in such deep way
even affecting u all daily lifes
dammit i dun realise it
and too bad i cant do anything but just leave it der
it's not worth it
coz i cant afford to love
.........
so called 'hurt'?


to love or be loved, y m i suffer in both?????
educate me, pls?




***
some other thoughts:
*love is sharing, im waitin u to share
*take things easy, im trying too
*back up my good sides pls, otherwise i might collapse to d dark
*m i dare to?well, try me
***